3 Things I Would Tell My Younger Self

Have you ever wondered what you would tell your younger self?  Maybe I’m exploring this idea because I have a birthday coming up or perhaps, it’s because I find myself an empty nester with both my daughters in college away from home.  Throw on top a global pandemic, social unrest, and a mean spirited election.  I guess it’s all just got me thinking.

To be sure, I would have a LONG conversation with myself about all the stupid stuff I did!  Once I ran out of steam there, I would tell my younger self these three things.

1.  Make plans.  Set goals.  Then be willing to flow with them.

I kind of laugh about the goals I set for myself when I was in my early twenties.  They revolved around working for a big corporation and making lots of money.  Oh, and don’t forget the private car service.  I really wanted that!  I hate to admit it… I was so dang shallow!!  But man, I followed that plan.  I graduated with a Finance degree. I went to work for a 3 billion-dollar company. The private garage where I parked my car had a detailing service.  Oh, yeah, and there was a gym!!

Needless to say, that job became less and less important as I had to sell my soul to the glass ceiling to get ahead.  That was 25+ years ago.

A lot about my life has changed.  My priorities changed.  My interests and convictions changed.  My heart for what truly matters changed and with all that change my goals needed to change with me.  Sure,  I could still be fighting for my big corporate goals, but I would be empty.  A shell of the woman that I am now.

I would tell my younger self to flow with life.  Don’t be rigid.  Be willing to see through your shallow parts and get to what really feeds your soul.  Then set your goals and keep your eyes and ears open.

“For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  Jeremiah 29:11

2. The hard #$%t will always come.  Before you fight it, get quiet.

My default for handling adversity is to be angry, especially if I’m afraid.  Lord, help us if I’m afraid!!  If you follow personality types I lean towards High Neurotic. (Big Five higher-order personality traits in psychology.)  Couple that with a natural tendency towards perfectionism and boy am I fun to be around!

Here’s the thing.  My default settings have led me into trouble more times than I can remember and no, you are not allowed to ask my husband about any of my stories!  I will tell you, my daughters have taught me so many lessons in this area.  They taught me to slow down and appreciate a beautiful flower instead of rushing past it on the sidewalk.  Their big beautiful eyes looking at me with trust meant that I couldn’t overreact.  Their trusting hands in mine meant that I couldn’t run away screaming my head off.

When you get quiet in the face of adversity your eyes open to possibility.  Sometimes the situation warrants closing your eyes and just breathing through the pain.  Seasons pass, difficulties come and go.  Find what keeps you grounded and walk, don’t run through the valley.  There are lessons to learn here.

3.  Stay connected to the real you.

Stereotype warning!!!

Women are the WORST at losing track of their inner little girl!  You know the one who thinks she is the most beautiful princess to have ever lived.  She only wears frilly skirts and has beautiful long flowing locks that sweep behind her when she runs.  (Or, she’s confident enough to get the Mary Lou Retton hair cut and shake her pompoms with the best of them!)  She just knows everyone loves her!  She is confident and she is funny.

As women grow up we try to fit into all sorts of stereotypes.  We put on different personalities because we believe people will like us more.  We let go of our fun and replace it with duty and work.  We lose ourselves.

So, younger self… keep a close eye on that confident little girl.  Stay in contact with her, love her, protect her, and nurture her.  She will help you laugh.  She will guide you to beauty.  She will whisper your worth.